Inter-Sex
Communication Guide
Women's English:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead]
Men's English:
- I'm hungry = I'm hungry
- I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
- I'm tired = I'm tired
- Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
- Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
- Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
- May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
- Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
- You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
- What's wrong? = What stupid self inflicted psychological trauma is it now?
- What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
- I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
- I love you = Let's have sex now!
- I love you, too = Okay, I said it, Now can we have sex
- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
- Let's talk = I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy then maybe sex?
- Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with others
- I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together = I'm gay
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